Men who have refused to become fathers enough

Breast vs beast: Mother's instinct favours her as better parent

Updated on: Friday, July, 1, 2011 Story by: MEEME JOSHUA

I have no doubt that my mother is the best woman in the world, in my standards. We are living in the reality of a cliche that 'fathers are a biological necessity, but a social accident.' I know you are either nodding your head in agreement or shaking in disapproval. The debate of whether women are better parents than men should not viewed through gender lenses but through a prism of reality. Mothers are better parents than our dads. Period. At no time though do I even want to imagine that my wife is a better parent than me to my children.

Many people believe that women make better parents than men due to their biological and physiological advantage over fathers. Separating reality and bias shows that mothers are better parents in emotional and social development while the fathers have role of providence and protection of the family.

Biologically, when children are born, they spend more time with their mothers than their fathers. Fathers who even want to be closer to their children are left to attend to the left-overs of the parenting roles – that is to provide and protect. Physically, men are the stronger sex and the role of protection is exclusive men territory although nowadays the demarcation is a little hazy. Ironically, it is the care mothers give to the children that pushes men to behave in manner likely to be misconstrued as abdication.

Physiologically, there is a connection between the mother and child where father have no part to play. Recently, there has been a push to have paternity leave and men have argued that it is time to take care of their pregnant wives in preparation for delivery of the kid(s). I beg to differ. In reality this is a deserved leave from the hectic work schedules and men do absolutely nothing that justifies the leave that they call paternity leave. On the other hand, mothers have no choice because it is their duty to carry the pregnancy and deserve a maternity leave but most fathers are just jokers out to exploit the loopholes in the law for their chauvinist advantage.

Practically speaking, without a father, a mother can comfortably raise a child; conversely without the mother it would be potentially difficult for a father to bring up a child. It is, therefore, common to meet single mothers who have decided to raise children on their own but it is difficult to find a father who has, by choice not forced by circumstances, bringing up children on his own without the help of a woman.

Though, it is biologically necessary for mothers and fathers to come together for procreation. To mothers each child is far more important than it is to the fathers. I have heard fathers who reject children of a particular gender and blame it on the mother; ignorant that biologically it is the man who carries the Y-chromosome that determines the gender of the child. Not even the educated who have this knowledge, are safe from this male chauvinistic thinking.

The emotional attachment between mother and child is perfected early in life as the child grows up. Instinctive responses liking crying, smiling and sucking can only be associated with the mother and that are significant to the survival of the child. It is only the mother who knows what to do to a kid to soothe them to sleep. And even at a time when they cannot communicate to anybody else it would be strange to find the mother talking with her child. It is easier for a mother to calm a crying baby than it is to the father.

Fathers have though no moral rights to sire kids that they have no intention of caring for. While knowing the mother's greater commitment to her children the father have the audacity to abandon them, secure in the knowledge that the mother would never do likewise. Men have taken this to mean that they can do everything without iota of fear that the children they have helped to bring to the world will require their attention.

Men are better actors than performers when it comes to child-bearing and rearing. The father may have paced up and down in hospital's waiting room during child birth, if ever, but never changed a diaper or warmed bottle, and generally steered clear of the nursery, leaving the responsibility for child rearing almost entirely to their wives. It is apparent that, either by design or fate mothers are better parents than fathers; and kids feels emotionally attached to their mothers more than their fathers.

Email: joshmemento@yahoo.com